I keep saying that I do feel blessed with my life right now. It’s not perfect. Probably not where I thought I would be. Definitely didn’t expect all the blessings I’ve received so far. But really, I feel grateful, blessed and content. Or at the very least, I keep reminding myself of this.
For my recent Georgia trip, not only was I able to visit such a gorgeous country sponsored by the organization I work for, what made this extra special was that I was able to save a 6-digit figure from our daily allowance provided by my work. This is on top of my salary. Last time in Pakistan, I only got to take home about $1,000, which I used for my US trip, since our allowance then was small but hotel was expensive.
But this time, so blessed to have taken home a fairly large amount. I know for some people a 6-digit figure is nothing but to me, that’s something. So what did I do with this amount? I didn’t spend it all, if that’s what you’re thinking. I gave to my tithes at church, increased my financial support to some missionaries and deposited into my investment. Of course, I also know how to balance my money so I bought something for myself too – a maroon bomber jacket, a floral jacket, a royal blue winter coat and a green blazer (yes, all outerwear).
There are times at night when I’m alone, I look around my room and think, “I like where I am right now.” I’m not saying this is how I feel everyday, all day, 24/7. Sometimes I get sad or lonely or frustrated too. But more often than not, I really enjoy being who I am in the current situation I am in with the people I am with right now.
But you know what? Sometimes, I’m afraid that I’ll suddenly wake up and everything would change for the worse. I don’t mean this in terms of suddenly losing my money or job or house. My security isn’t there, since I know in a snap all our material things can be taken away from us. I always say I can live on kangkong and galunggong forever. Haha! But I’m more afraid of something bad happening to my relationships – family and friends – or to me personally, particularly, my health. Things that are out of my control and are not easily replaced. It’s been awhile since my last tragedy in life (read: my dad’s stroke then death). Like, I’m living such a good life right now that something bad is bound – or is supposed – to happen.
But I know I can’t be paralyzed by this fear or any kind of fear – bomb threats, terrorists, assholes you meet – for that matter. So I guess the best way is simply to live my life – my own life – and spend time with people who matter the most and of course, pray.